GM and DAW Consummate Partnership
Breakthrough Design Memorializes Event
Leads the way to Discount Labor
by Godfrey McRackin, October 11, Wall St. Journal, Page A-14
Corks were popping and bubbly spouting as president of the Divided Auto Workers union, Ron Gettelfinger, toasted the new Crossover Concept Vehicle — La Veba — a customized convertible note worthy for its pension pass through, deluxe cola diversion, overhead deductibles with advance premiums, automatic deferrals, and 80 year warranty with no accountability.
“La Veba is the new American Dream vehicle,” proclaimed a brochure in bold type. It doesn’t have an engine but each shell comes equipped with a “standard vacuum pump mounted on the cockpit and reclining seats for those interminable waits.”
“It’s the perfect vehicle for long term parking,” said someone close to the reception.
“We think non core employees will find La Veba a perfect fit. They can live in the parking lot rather than suffer a long commute,” said Divided Auto Workers spokesperson, Roger Kerson, who was so enthused he forgot to not answer the telephone and not comment publicly.
“We plan to optimize our over time options and maximize human resources with an injection of lower class workers managed by upper class union appointees who will cut operating expenses by offering team members an opportunity to live in the parking lot,” said Divided Auto Workers VIP, Cal Rapson.
“Why go home when you can’t afford time off anyway?” he shrugged.
David Cole, son of former GM president, Edward N. Cole, was gushing praise for the Divided Auto Workers president. “Ronnie deserves a Nobel prize. Why if this was England, the Queen would knight him — Lord Gettelfinger. But since it’s America, he’ll just have to settle for money.”
I’m so proud of Ron,” said Rick Wagoner, CEO of General Motors. “La Veba was all his idea. My role was simply executive producer. I got the finance people, the knuckle crackers, the drug cartels, and that kid with the funny hat from Lazarus, or Lizard, or whatever, in the same room at the same time and told them, ‘Make Ron’s dream real.’ Voila! We got La Veba. We got cheap labor, we got, what, another ten or eleven plants closed? I can’t keep track. We owe it all to Ron’s vision.”
Hardley Movin, labor historian, nodded his head up and down.
Festivities continued late into the evening. Then the party boarded a private airplane and flew to the Divided Auto Workers entertainment center at Black Lake to watch simulated videos of Walter Reuther turning over in his grave.
